Favorite comedy venue?
Has to be the Comedy Store. But I do like clubs with comedy names, I was thinking of starting my own club featuring comedy and strippers called 'Grin and Bare it'.

Favorite comedian (other than self)?
I used to like Freddy (parrot face) Davies but I'm sick of him now. Still you have to respect a man who based his whole carrier on having a speech impediment and wearing a bowler hat.

First gig - what was it like?
Fantastic, I was a natural. The audience wouldn't let me off the stage. When I finally said good night after my third encore the stage was covered in flowers, knickers and supermodels phone numbers. By the time I got home Steven Spielberg had left two messages on my answer phone offering me the romantic lead in his latest block buster.

My next gig however was at Jackson's Lane Community Centre in front of five people who had come in to inquire about another show. After about two minutes I was heckled by a seven year old kid who said, 'you're rubbish mate'.  Quick as a flash I came back with "um 'yeah, you've got a point, goodnight." Luckily no-one was actually watching.

Biggest on-stage cock-up?
Oh come on . It doesn't get any worse than being heckled off by a seven year old kid.

Imaginary best comedy line-up (i.e. famous people who are NOT comedians but should be)?
Charlie Dimmock to open (just to show I'm not sexist). Victor Lewis Smith in the easy spot ( I would love to see him die so we could review him ) Des Lynam closing (To save the show).

What plans do you have for the future?
I am hoping to get a big chain of Toilet Duck commercials so I can be the face of Toilet Duck for the 21st Century. Then off to Hollywood for 'Toilet Duck-The Movie'.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Hang on, don't tell me. I know this one. It's on the tip of my tongue. Oh no it's gone.

Anything else you'd like to say
Look I don't think it was fair the way you just sprung that chicken question on me. If you can just give me a little time I'll get back to you. I'm sure I know it.